in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
