also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
