this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
