Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize