she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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