everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can you repeat that, but with context?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
