By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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