I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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