Nicole vs. Life
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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