Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
