i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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