so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
