apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
