just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
