ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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