she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
ok first of all what the fuck
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
