Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
