Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
