so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
