i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
