sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
