The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my being single is dangerous.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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