Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
