no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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