I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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