I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
