you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
