I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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