Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
