Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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