This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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