Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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