haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
