his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
