The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
