apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
