Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
