birth control should be required to get into college
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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