At least make sure they are 18
Why
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
