over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
