I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
