I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
