I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
