i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
