What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
