i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
