Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have tasted many bathrooms
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
