I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
