That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
