i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize