Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
