sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
