he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize