I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
