Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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