Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize