Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
