I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
