I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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