Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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