did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
