My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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