She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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