as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
