I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
did i just pee glitter
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