: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
