Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
